i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
