i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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