smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
