So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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