So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He did a backflip because drugs
dude. I can hear the air.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
