you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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