so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
