I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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