girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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