Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
