you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
