I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
