i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
