Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
