Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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