I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
