My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
