that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
