Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sarcasm needs its own font
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
