Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
