she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize