I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
