It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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