I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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