Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
