I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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