In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
