Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
