I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
