I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
