just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
