take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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