At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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