You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
