And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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