bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
