if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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