so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
