Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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