Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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