I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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