i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
