That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
