2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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