can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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