The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
