Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
