Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
