If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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