I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
