Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
