so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize