Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
