I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
