Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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