Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
