It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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