I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
