you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
