I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
