White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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