There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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