True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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