dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
