It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
