have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
