Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize