i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
